Mini-Review: Cinderella

 

Because of my fairytale-loving heart, I will be watching this movie. 

Admittedly, I'm only watching it because it's a Cinderella movie. I have no interest in Camilla Cabello primarily due to her behavior; every time I see her, I feel like someone should pay for my damages. 

I'm not anticipating a masterpiece and I have a feeling the movie will land on the mediocre piles of Cinderella movies I would only recommend having as background noise. Please, I have seen a better Cinderella movie than this. 

Even the movie trailer alone is just so cynical. Instead of playing into the magic of the setting, it lampshaded things like 'going to the ball of rich people to make yourself happy' is not going to make me a happy camper at all. I have a feeling the writers for this movie do not understand what Cinderella and its morals are as well as just how universal the story of Cinderella is since I read the Chinese, Egyptian, and Vietnamese versions and that's just one of the few at the top of my head. 

There is a difference between lampshading and actually examining it. I have a feeling that this movie won't examine shit, only lampshading because lampshade is the only way self-aware writing apparently be. I prefer Snow White and the Red Shoes' self-aware writing over Frozen and this Cinderella's self-aware writing. Like they hit you over the head with it repeatedly, but at least Red Shoes is not trying that hard, considering the names and general air of fun around it while Frozen is mediocre and glorified for past films had done better and sure as hell not the Disney Princess equivalent of the Lion King. Frozen was trying too hard with all those self-awareness but no examining or trying to make characters important beyond the archetype that fulfills either the fairy tale or Disney one. 

Compared to the obvious colorblind casting of Toni Braxton's Cinderella though I do like the energy the actors gave in there, this one doesn't feel particularly happy on the outset the trailer is trying way too hard on the current political climate instead of just having fun. Although Cinderella 2015 has its own set of problems with colorblind casting but at least having fun, this one is trying way too hard. I'm willing to excuse the Disney live-action only if the cast and crew are having fun. Aladdin 2019 is excused while the BATB is not excused. While Lion King 2019 is not excused, Beyonce's project Black is King is too great and therefore better than TLK 2019. I will praise Black is King over Lion King 2019 any time. 

It's trying too hard because I can see its problems immediately from what the trailer is trying to push instead of pushing the magic of Cinderella. Even one of my fave retellings, Ella Enchanted (book, not movie) has a better thing because it's not trying too hard.  

Why not let me have my fun? The lampshading meant nothing in the grand scale of things since this Cinderella is just so bland on the outset based on the trailer alone. Not even the costumes are grand enough for me to get my attention because at least costuming is a saving grace in dull fairy tale series but this is just...too modern instead of leaning into the fantastical setting. Glitter is nothing to me if it's not used wisely when it comes to costuming. Look, I'm all about PRESENTATION if you could do something that is unique; why else am I so harsh when it comes to performances? I'm not impressed with people standing still in one place unless they have the dynamo charisma to back it up like they are meant to be on that stage and pulling it off. 

You can do the realistic thing but if you're adapting a fairytale into a modern-ish setting, please make sure the fairytale aspect of it is still there. It's a fairytale; just give the airiness floating feeling that it's a mythical world. You got a fucking fairy god-whatever in there, you can get that airy feeling of romance and adventure. 

Like Belle's dress in the BATB Disney live-action is just too bland and it's not as grand as it should've been. From what I have seen from the ball, Cindy's dress is not spectacular when it should be because Cinderella is supposed to be the belle of the ball. Again too modern unlike the fairytale-ness of Danielle's winged dress or Ella's glamorous blue ballgown or how about Ella Enchanted's three gowns or Toni Braxton's pretty blue gown. Make it magical, not make it too modern unless that modernity plays a part because Giselle certainly looks beautiful standing out among the fairytale design of the ball in Enchanted. If there is still a fairy god whatever that is not Leonardo DaVinci or someone who is definitely modern like Rhonda in modern times, then it's pointless if the dress isn't spectacular. 

From what I gather, it's trying to be a musical with Cinderella and the Stepmother getting solo numbers because this is Idina Menzel for Godoka's sake. I like musicals but something tells me that this won't be Roger and Hammerstein's Cinderella or Disney Cinderella. It probably would be homages to these guys at best since these are well-known musicals. 

Trying to make Cinderella proactive with her love for fashion or seamstressing business is not going to make me happy the same way Danielle and Ella did with their own brains. Maybe it's the fact the movie seemed to push its cynicism into my face with those lines that don't understand shit about Cinderella is getting in my way. I don't care if Cinderella is a feminine tomboy or even she is a resourceful young woman. All I want out of this Cinderella is to not be cynical to even lash out against hope or even realistic hope. I don't know, the feeling I'm getting from this Cindy is trying too hard. 

I have no faith in this film. The entire thing I got from the trailer alone is trying too hard and not fun. 

And my feelings are right. It was a film that tried too hard to be progressive only to end up being just sad because of its attempts. 

It's just trying too hard. The ending with the sister going to become queen with Prince and Cindy going off to travel the world with Cindy's business in mind is just trying way too hard. 

There's not a speck of fun, even in the costuming. It's not going ham on anything though they certainly try like Idina and the one playing the fairy god-whatever. It's just so plain. 

Instead of running away and leaving the shoe, this Cindy threw it to run away. It's definitely not Into the Woods where we see Cindy's cleverness to lead the prince to her. I don't see cleverness or resourcefulness. All I see is trying too hard. Camilla Cabello does not have the breathy loveliness of Lily James or the wisdom of Drew Barrymore or the teenage of Hilary Duff or the quiet dignity of Disney Cinderella. 

This Cindy is not clever. This Cindy is stupid as a doorknob. This Cindy is terribly written with all her I'm-not-like-other-girls mentality and so-called progressive when she isn't. She's horribly entitled and condescending to others including strangers when one of Cindy's strengths is her kindness and gentleness. If they just realize that seamstressing in the past is a suitable job for a gal, then Cindy as a (terrible) dressmaker should just be there. And she has terrible fashion sense. I'm not letting the fact that this Cindy has terrible fashion sense go because she is supposed to be a dressmaker and her designs are not innovative at all! 

The fairy godmother's costume is great yet they're just the 'gay best friend' instead of actual development on said queer character though just like past movies had been the narrator. Not helped they're the only queer character in the entire movie. Just wow. Could make the Princess gay or something. Definitely a sign of thinking about what diversity means aka tokenism instead of actual change and actual diversity. 

The writing is just bad. All telling but not showing. The only semblance of showing it even has is the prince and the queen. Everyone else is just talking up whatever prejudice they're dealing with or making worse aka modern issues ongoing from the past. 

Except it failed from every single angle of meshing past and present. Even Ella Enchanted the movie does better on this end even though it's inferior to the book. I'm just crying because it's a failure in everything you can think of. If you think the movie can save anything, the costuming is nothing even though that usually saves a mediocre fairy tale adaptation. And this one is awful as shit. 

And it can't save anything outside of some semblance of characterization of the prince and queen. And the Fairy Godmother's costume. Everything else is just terrible. It's terrible, but not campy. 

And that's not enough for me to get through this movie. Whereas other Cinderella adaptations have anything that could make it through, this Cinderella adaptation only has it in pieces. It's not even campy; where's the camp? At least have fun or something since campy can save something if done just well enough. Hey, I can enjoy Code Geass R2 just based on that alone when the writing became terrible. 

And the writing should've all the potential in there. Even the camp. 

Just look at this, okay: Cindy wants to be a dressmaker, okay? However, because of her class status, she doesn't have any material except buying but when her stepfamily squandering her parents' fortune and not having a dress shop or it could be the dress shop her parents own. However, Cindy has innovative fashion-forward ideas - not the terrible fashion sense because even I can see it's terrible - but can only implement them on paper. However, since her stepfamily put them in debt, she worked day in and day out in the dress shop trying to make due yet can't make her own dresses due to time constraints. As a result, she was overworked on top of chores and just want her dresses to be made and sold. She doesn't care if the general public dislikes them, she just wants them to be sold and make people happy because designing those dresses makes her happy and she remembered showing these designs to little girls and her peers who clearly appreciate them but are disappointed she doesn't sell them.

While casually designing a dress waiting for customers, a disguised Princess - no Prince except maybe a very young one who was set to inherit the throne when that boy doesn't want the throne, being forced to learn whatever at a young age when all he wants is to explore and have fun or even a Prince twin or something. Like you could add the Prince as a bait-and-switch and make them the Godmother himself - came to her dress shop and just looked around. She escaped from the palace for a breather and want to see the whole city as she had been taking trips then and there. Noticing the dress design on the sketchpad, she asked to see it.

From there, Friends to Lovers. Maybe Cindy was slowly clued in that this is the Princess as she helped the princess tour around. Allowing the princess to know what changes to make, the true systematic change this country needs and the princess' desire to become queen even more as she's becoming of age. Examine the patriarchy, systematic racism, systematic -isms that had been perpetuated through the ruler's belief that what ain't broken and unwillingness to admit fault, and all that sort. 

The princess felt she was hiding too many secrets and plan to tell them at the ball she invited Cindy. However, Cindy figured her out and found her time with the princess as one of the precious freedom and have no desire to meet the prince as the ball was supposed to be the prince's ball to find someone to marry. Or even the princess or even the prince's birthday party or something! 

Cindy couldn't go to the ball since she had nothing on hand yet she did update her mom's gown. However, the stepmother ripped it up when she found it. Now she couldn't meet her friend or even just have fun in her overworked abusive environment.  

Until her fairy godmother figure be it the prince or someone else like a friend or even an actual fairy godmother arrived and let her everything, using her designs.

Then Cindy was the belle of the ball. However, just when the other guests thought she'll go up to the prince, she walked up to the princess and they left the ballroom to the gardens outside, leaving everyone speechless. 

There, the princess and Cinderella asked each other for dance and shared a dance and talk till midnight. Cindy left the glass slipper as she knows the princess is clever and would go up to her hopefully. 

The princess is clever. She didn't make the proclamation of marriage but she did make the proclamation of whoever fits the slipper is to be her dressmaker. That was all Cindy needed when she heard the proclamation, especially when the princess arrived at the dress shop in full regalia.

The two married and worked together as queens to rework this country's systematic issues. 

That wasn't even in-depth to be honest, just the bare bones but even that's more interesting than whatever we got. And it's just one idea you can get. There are so many paths you could take this story but yeah, here we got, a mediocre terribad Cinderella adaptation. 

If this is the acting debut of Camilla Cabello, then she isn't really doing it, not when she just feels dull - like not Troy Megaforce wooden robot - and not enough emotion and heart. It's just okay. She's an okay Cinderella, nothing spectacular. Heck, even Max is a better Cinderella than she is and that's because he puts energy with Keke Palmer. Then again, the terrible writing overall and its telling over show is what makes it terrible coupled with its lack of understanding of true changes the people actually want. 

The music is just okay. Nothing too spectacular. At least, Schmigadoon has some great numbers as it accomplished the task of bringing the talent of the Broadway actors while still having fun. Despite lampshading the musical world and all that stuff, it still has the heart of a musical and shows the love of one. The camerawork is especially evident of this as they showcase the ensemble's dance work so well when modern musicals go in and out that in the end just showjumping around instead of showing the entire routine from the bird's eye. The point of a theatre means sitting in one place and if it's a musical with a dance routine, we see it. 

It's a jukebox musical but it's not good at all. It's just so bland that it wouldn't stick out among the Cinderella musicals we got. Perhaps it was because the songs are typical picks (Somebody to Love and Material Girl, yeah, I seen better and Rhythm Nation, was it? Again, I seen better) and the stage was built around them instead of constructing a story with these songs in mind. Even Cinderella 2015 has a better turnout on music than this. There's just no love in that music from either the actors or even the staging. Schmigadoon plays up so much Broadway and musical stuff that it's evident that regardless of negative reviews about the story, they can't put down the way the TV show homage and give tribute to the musicals that gave it life. 

This one doesn't show the love of either musicals and fairytales. It's just mediocre. It doesn't look like that much effort is put into it to showcase a fairytale. It looks just so plain that it belongs to a community theater but at least a community theater has fun with its small budget. 

Not even the costuming department took advantage of the fairytale aspect at all. The clothes are just too damn modern especially the ball scene. They tried with the somewhat pseudo-historical but it's just too bland. The prince's outfits showcase this magnificently as less fabulous than the ball outfit was the biggest offender. Just black, decor, and white and that's it. 

The ball was the biggest offender in failing to deliver the magical ball aspect. The dress Cindy wore was just white and looked less like it belonged on the most beautiful gal in the ball and looked more like a prom dress at worst. It looks like a prom dress! Not a magnificent wedding dress-esque or something magical about it. It's just sad. 

I'm not getting over the sad state of the ball. It just looks so sad and not as grand as it is supposed to be. At least, the BATB live-action, for all Belle's ballgown isn't as fantastic as it should've been, at least has good costuming for some parts of it. The only ones that do stick out were the ones who performed that number but even then, the entire ballgown designs lack cohesion. Then again, the entire movie lack cohesion. 

The ball should have good costuming the most, the one where you can spend the money outside of the stepfamily. However, when the costumes just mesh together that you can't tell which from which instead of showcasing stylistic dresses that will be upstaged by Cindy's dress. Cindy's dress is not being upstaged here, in fact, it's being out-staged. I fear I will cry every time I see that dress because it's awful and does not stand out. Even with my limited knowledge of fashion, I can see that Cindy is not the belle of the ball. 

I'm not getting over the costuming because it's horrendous. Outside of Fairy Godmother's dress which I do admit is great, everyone else's especially Cindy's own creations are horrendous. Cindy's dresses are awful and even I can see that because it just looks hideous. I would not buy her dresses, no way, I have better fashion sense than her. The only dress I remotely like from her was that pink dress she intended to wear to the ball. 

I'm sorry if the complaints about the costuming seem more plentiful. I wasn't expecting much from this movie and even then this movie was disappointing from all angles. The costuming should've been the saving grace at the very least and that's so horrendous that I took note of it. I'm never ever getting over Cindy being a terrible dressmaker and designer with her terrible fashion sense. I would wear Edna Mode's fashion line than hers. 

The entire movie is just sad overall. Trying too hard but at the same time, it's not even trying because of all the problems I listed before. It didn't even try to make do with the story they want to tell except bluntly spell out fairy tale tropes because lampshading works but not actually examining it. Frozen thinks it's examining when it's not, really not. 

Usually, fairy tales and their retellings are my go-to comfort movies and books. This Cinderella is not going on that list. It does not hold a finger to my worn copy of Ella Enchanted book.